Dating Tips: Is he only interested in sex?
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The guy you just met is a real catch: Smart, funny, handsome⊠and totally available! You really like him, and based on all the sweet things he tells you, youâre pretty sure he likes you, too. Still, itâs no secret that some of us guys, at certain points in our lives, are more interested in seeing you naked than getting to know you. Thatâs fine if you feel the same way, but if itâs a relationship you want, youâre better off arming yourself with some dead-on detection skills. At the risk of foiling many a cadâs attempts to love âem and leave âem, Iâve spilled some of their most telltale tactics below. Spot these behaviors, and alarm bells should go offâand you may want to consider moving on to a guy whoâs more interested in sticking around.
Sign #1: He only communicates via text messages or emails
We all know that guys hate talking on the phone, but if youâre never hearing the sound of his voice, that could spell trouble. âIf I have hung out with a girl a few times and Iâm still texting or emailing her, itâs just about sex for me,â says Jake, 28. Chalk it up to his lack of interest in talking with youâand the ease of technology, a boon for lazy would-be players. He doesnât need to engage in a real conversationâa couple of words here, an emoticon there, and heâs in touch with you with a bare minimum of effort. Keeping his communiquĂ©s to emails and texts also allows him to steer the conversation towards sex, either subtly or overtly; he can be more forward than he would be in person or over the phone since he wonât have to deal with rejection directly.
Sign #2: He warns you that heâs not relationship material
Some guys inform girls about their disinterest in a relationship early on with remarks like âIâm not ready for a serious relationship yet.â It can be easy to think heâs just being honest and may eventually come around after heâs gotten to know you. But donât fall for it. âSome guys always have excuses as to why they canât take the relationship to the next level,â says Sherry Argov, author of Why Men Marry Bitches: A Womanâs Guide to Winning Her Manâs Heart. âBut ânot nowâ means ânot ever.ââ The upfront explanation makes it easier to break it off later. âWhen I just want sex from a woman, I drop hints that I canât be involved with her in a long-term relationship because my job is my number one priority,â says Matt, 31. âThen, when I decide to stop seeing her, I reference the fact that I said it wouldnât work out early on.â Bottom line: If he says heâs not boyfriend material, know that he means it.
Sign #3: Youâve been to the same restaurant with him more than once in one month
Sure, he may say âItâs my favorite place,â âItâs our place,â or that heâs been craving the eggplant parmesan. As sweet as that may seem, his motives are likely not so romantic. A quality guy will put thought and effort into each of your datesâbut a guy who just wants sex will make the weekly Olive Garden dinner a preamble to taking you back to his place (which just happens to be around the corner). Watch out if he keeps meeting you in the same place and doesnât vary from routine, Argov warns. âHeâs with you at the little Mexican place, but with another girl at the Chinese place the next night and another girl at the sushi place the night after that.â He neednât pull out all the stops every date, but beware night after night of the same thing. Says Argov, âA player will go for whatâs quick, convenient and cheapâjust like his intentions.â
Sign #4: He makes too many promises
It would be easy to avoid these guys if they said things like, âI want you to come over and have sex with meâand then disappear.â Rather, guys try to woo you with what they think you want to hear. âIf all he wants is sex, heâll promise you things you havenât even thought of yet,â says Argov. âMen know that by talking about love, fabulous exotic vacations, babies, houses with the white picket fences, women will give up the goods. Heâs fattening you up for the kill.â So if thereâs lots of talk of big future plans very early in your dates, beware.
Sign #5: He only makes last-minute, late-night plans to see you
It seems obvious, but sometimes a guy can conceal the real intentions behind a booty call by making it sound innocent enough, citing how heâs working late or has dinner plans with friendsâbut that he really wants to see you. Then comes the clincher: A line like, âCan we meet for a quick drink, or maybe I could just stop by your place on my way home?â Sure, a little impatient enthusiasm is flattering, but if heâs truly into you, heâll make plans in advance. Says Argov, âFor the guy whoâs smitten, the anticipation of seeing the woman he likes is as exciting to him as the date itself.â
Sign #6: He avoids getting-to-know-you talks
Everyone knows a relationship requires communication, especially at the onset. It should stand to reason, then, that a guy who plans dates that donât give you a chance to talk to each other isnât likely interested in a relationship. Says Todd, 35, âWith girls that I only want to have sex with, I go out to lots of moviesâthat way, I donât have to talk to them. Afterwards I can justify going home with them since we did hang out and had an official date.â According to Mira Kirshenbaum, author of Is He Mr. Right? Everything You Need To Know Before You Commit, it should be apparent when a guyâs interested in getting to know you. âHe may also be sexually attracted to you and want to have sex with you,â says Kirshenbaum, âbut other things will have equal weight, such as having conversations with you about topics that you care about and interests you share.â
Sign #7: Heâs pushy about getting physical
Some guys will say just about anything to get a woman to have sex with him. Ever hear any of these lines? âWeâll just cuddle.â âYouâre just so sexy that I canât help myself.â âMy underwear is chafing me.â For the record: We hate just cuddling, we can help ourselves, and our underwear was fitting us just fine this morning.
Sign #8: He doesnât introduce you to his friends
If youâve been dating a month or more, and you still have seen neither hide nor hair of any of his co-workers, acquaintances, siblings or pals, heâs likely never going to bring you home to meet the parents. âIâll introduce girls Iâm genuinely interested in to my guy-friends within two to three weeks of dating,â Jake explains. âAt that point Iâm feeling comfortable enough with her to see what my friends think.â Donât fret if youâve passed the four-date mark and you havenât yet met his mom, though. âSome men wonât introduce you to their families, because theyâre embarrassed by them,â says Argov. Still, he should begin integrating you into his life within the first few months of dating. If not, itâs a sign that this guyâs into getting physical⊠and not much else. Consider yourself well warned!
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