Online Love Totally Free love dating for singles - Gold Diggers

I'm a gentleman who likes being well dressed as often as would be appropriate (I also dress down when appropriate). To my frustration, I seem to be drawing mostly gold diggers. I'm starting to become disenchanted with the ladies because of all their head-trips, lies and deceptiveness of every kind. Some of them are outright thieves. I don't understand how some of them can actually live with themselves.

I don't wear jewelry or a flashy watch. My car does not say, "money." It seems they're all the same - out for what they can get.

1. Why might I be attracting gold diggers? 2. How can I learn to better weed them out from the rest (if there is any other type)?

I realize that I cannot change others. I can only change myself.

Thanks.

Dr. Neder answers:

There seems to be a new adage becoming old: "A woman can have the most successful man her looks can attract, and a man can have the most beautiful women he can afford."

Women really are starting to look for men that have money, fame or power - you're not dreaming this. In my book, "Being a Man in a Woman's World", I talk about how men are being reduced today to "sperm donors and wallets". To say this is insulting is the least of the problem.

There are women out there that aren't concerned with what you make, but this is getting more and more rare. Here in Southern California where I live it's almost non-existent. I keep hearing things like, "Of course he should [buy me gifts, give me money, pay my bills, etc.] - He's getting ME!" My response: Honey - you ain't worth it - after all - you're getting HIM!

So, let's look at your situation - and what to do about it.

First, don't stop "dressing money". It is a great way to attract women! I classify this under "Know Your Prey". If they're interested in money, there's nothing wrong with meeting their expectations. Second, don't give them any money - in any form!

Too many men make the mistake of thinking they can "buy their way into her pants." This can't be done. What I recommend is this:

1) Set a goal For example, decide what do you want from the relationship - sex for example, and how many dates you'll go on before you get it, (my limit is 3 dates). If she still won't have sex (for any reason) I move on. Your goal may be different, but either way - set it and abide by it.

2) Try to spend nothing on your dates until you've reached your goals. When you go out on dates, you don't have to spend very much (if anything) if you're creative. One example is the "quarter date" where you pick up a roll of quarters and travel the city trying to spend them all (cost: $10). If you live in LA or another area where they film sitcoms, you can get audience tickets for free and watch a sitcom being filmed (cost: $0), etc.

3) Don't ever give money or gifts in any fashion until you've reached your goals. And then, a card or some flowers might be nice. Always keep it under $30 (or much, much less) until you've been a solid couple for a while. Always ask yourself if you're giving a gift with the intention of getting something in return. If you answer yes - don't give it!

I want to stress this - no guy is going to gain anything by spending his entire paycheck on a date. If you have money and don't mind giving it away, why not find a charity? Don't waste money on trying to get women to sleep with you or date you. It is far better to use your cash to your own enjoyment.

In fact, if you play this right, many women will actually pay for your dates! In any case, you should get at least as much as you put in. Even if your girl doesn't make as much money as you do, she should be returning SOMETHING to your relationship! Whether it's cooking a meal, helping you decorate your place, or picking out your clothes, there should be some return. Otherwise, move on!